Been blog surfing this morning. Having half a mind on exercising, but i'm oddly drained. Might be due to the fact the I forced myself to complete my exercise routine yesterday despite my legs feeling about to give way any moment, and then spent the day ambling around town.
I noticed that many folks seem to have decided to post their "reflections" of the year. Might this simply be a case of the diary going online, or more probably the desire to have an audience partake in the events we have undergone? To share our joy and woe, the 21st century method? The latter seems more probable, I guess, for if there were real secrets that hurt to the core, who would want a voyeuristic crowd to indulge in it?
Feeling drained yet bored. Since I'm online already, I might as well hop onto this bandwagon and post my own reflections.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The year 2006 seem to have come and gone in a flash for me. I remember waking on 1st Jan 2006 very desperate. Tomorrow would the big day. I will have to return to a place of both happy and haunting memories. I will have to produce a full time faux-Eugene image again, one that appears carefree and cheerful, yet deep down tormented with thoughts of death, destruction, eating disorders, mistrust... Internally, I was ripping myself apart. Externally, I was raring to go.
Why? Why is it so traumatic to go to school? Because that was not lol's 2nd year in JC. It was his 3rd. The oh-so-perfect student, with such enviable results, surprisingly became the only one from his peers to repeat a year. Of course, I might have broken some record here by being the first and only repeat student to still be granted 2 S papers on his repeat year, but I was not really interested in that in any case. I desperately wanted my student life to simply end. At the point of time, I had endured enough in 2005, and I did not want to see that land of dread and sorrow again. Unfortunately, the people around me seemed more convinced that "a talent should not go to waste", and made various and numerous persuasions for me to return. My friends kept giving "positive confirmations of my abilities", telling me I am a really smart dude etcetc, with queer amazing abilities to ace everything without the need to study. I get that u folks mean well, I thank ya, but seriously, anyone that can succeed without expending a iota of effort is not human. And I certainly am made of flesh and blood.
The truth is, no one realised that my 2nd year was a flop. I went to school in the first half of the year in a daze. Rather emaciated, mind oddly focused only on calories and death, I spent most of the time skipping school ostensibly because lessons were boring and I wanted to do my own revision, but in actuality always staring into blank space and thinking how good it would be if I could escape to another life, or prolly. Oh yeah, and the third element of my life, to memorise all caloric information on foods available. It certainly helped that I belonged to that envied top band of students for much of my life, and everyone fell hook line and sinker for my excuses. This farce and farcade continued until the mid-term holidays, when as all illusions go, eventually collaspe. Yes, the sandman's sand castle disintegrated around him, and he himself crumbled into a pile of dust.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being a lazy bum, the author will now take a break and continuing posting reflections on events that actually happened in 2006, not some sad story of 2005.
